I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
