Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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