a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
