I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
