You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he thought i was a dude.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
