so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
