You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
