Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
