I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
