i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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