Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
