we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
the liver wants what the liver wants
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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