Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
