I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
