i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
