I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
