I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
