You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
