The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
