I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
