even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
