Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
home. puking in laundry basket.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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