There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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