I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
