I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
