i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
