Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
