we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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