There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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