I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
