So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
