Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
