I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
MIDGETS
????
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
