Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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