yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
