I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
