So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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