it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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