Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I am one with the molecules
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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