my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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