Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
