Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
