So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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