and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
