Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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