I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
