A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
