Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
