direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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