he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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