The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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