Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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