Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
