Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
